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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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ESPN2 Experiments With Broadcasting NBA Finals From Dan Patrick's Point Of View

BRISTOL, CT—The ABC Sports family extended its attempt to offer alternative coverage of major sporting events by using miniaturized cameras and microphones to broadcast Tuesday night's NBA Finals Game 6 from the perspective of ABC studio team member Dan Patrick live on ESPN2. "Excuse me… Pardon me… Sorry," Patrick can be heard to say during the tip-off and first three minutes of the game, narrating HDTV-quality first-person shots of exactly what Patrick saw as he hurried to his third-row seat after wrapping up the pregame show. "Okay, Miami, let's see if you can get this ratings-killer of a series over with." ESPN2 has not said whether they would repeat their "Dan PatrickVision" experiment in future broadcasts, saying fans were "intrigued but not enthusiastic" about the long shots of Patrick checking his cell-phone messages, the frequent quick pans to the unnamed blonde woman sitting behind Patrick's left shoulder, or the comb that obscured the on-court action as it passed in front of the camera roughly every 45 seconds.

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