adBlockCheck

Ethical Hunter Throws Duck He Shot Back Into Sky

Top Headlines

Recent News

Seagull This Far Inland Must Be Total Fuckup

KNOXVILLE, TN—Questioning how the bird could have possibly ended up more than 300 miles from the nearest ocean, sources confirmed Friday that a seagull that was spotted this far inland must be a total fuckup.

The Pros And Cons Of Affirmative Action

The Supreme Court upheld a challenge to the University of Texas at Austin’s affirmative action program Thursday, reigniting debate over the merits of policies that favor members of groups frequently targeted by discrimination. Here are the pros and cons of affirmative action

Financially Struggling Trump Campaign Holds Fundraising Riot

NEWARK, NJ—Having raised only $3.1 million last month despite clinching the Republican nomination and with just $1.3 million on hand, Donald Trump’s presidential campaign sought a much-needed injection of cash Wednesday by holding a fundraising riot in Newark, sources confirmed.

Trump’s Potential VP Picks

Here is a guide to presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump’s potential running mates in the 2016 presidential election

47 Weak-Willed Senators Bend To Interests Of Powerful American People

WASHINGTON—Saying the closely watched Senate vote clearly demonstrated where the elected officials’ loyalties lay, political observers confirmed that 47 weak-willed lawmakers bent to the interests of the powerful American public Monday by voting in favor of measures that would bar anyone on government terror watchlists from purchasing firearms.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Ethical Hunter Throws Duck He Shot Back Into Sky

PEPIN, WI—Taking care to restore the bird to its natural habitat in a timely manner, ethical hunter Rick Streeter threw a mallard duck back into the sky Monday shortly after shooting it, sources confirmed. “I’m only into hunting for the sport, so every time I shoot a duck, I make sure to toss him back into his home up in the air once I’m done,” said Streeter after gently lobbing the downed duck skyward, stressing that the compassionate practice of shoot-and-release allowed him to enjoy the thrill of the hunt while ensuring that the waterfowl could return to its airborne life after a brief, temporary inconvenience. “Sometimes, if I shoot a duck that’s really big or impressive, I’ll take a picture holding it up afterward, but that’s it—right after that, I throw it back up above me. I feel good knowing that I can just let it go into the air and it’ll go right back to flapping around with the rest of its kind.” Streeter noted, however, that even the most skilled hunter occasionally fails to release a duck in time, thereby causing the bird to sink down to the bottom of the sky.


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close