adBlockCheck

Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
End Of Section
  • More News

Eulogy Filled With Pro-Christian Propaganda

SCHENECTADY, NY—Friends and loved ones of deceased community leader Bob Liddell alleged Monday that the occasion of his passing was exploited for mere religious purposes, accusing the officiating pastor at his Saturday funeral, the Rev. Frank Hyams, of turning the ceremony into a pro-Christian diatribe.

"We gathered to pay our respects to Bob, but instead we were forced to listen to nothing but Jesus this, God that," Liddell family friend Fran Grunbladt said. "This was supposed to be a heartfelt, solemn, and respectful tribute to Bob's life, not an excuse to further the minister's own dogmatic agenda. While it's true Bob was a churchgoer, that's no excuse to take advantage of the poor man's death."

Hyams refused to apologize for his actions, further inciting controversy by claiming that Liddell is "in heaven now."

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close