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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Evander Holyfield Claims His Quest For Severe Brain Damage Keeps Him Fighting

ATLANTA—Forty-six-year-old heavyweight boxer Evander Holyfield, who has taken hundreds of blows to the head in a career spanning more than 50 professional matches, told reporters Wednesday that he wouldn't stop fighting until a neurological examination reveals that he has acute brain damage. "When I can no longer speak clearly, or remember where I'm from, or what I what I what what, then I'll know it's time to hang up the gloves, but until then I think I want spaghetti for dinner with mushrooms and rubber-band sauce," said Holyfield, adding that his Dec. 20 bout with Russian Nikolai Valuev should put him one step closer to his dream of suffering irreparable tearing and lesions of the brain, and that he likes really big Ferris wheels. "I'm close. I can feel it—the tingling sensation in my hands, the bright lights that hurt my eyes. Maybe a few more [fights] after this one. Okay, Mom, I'm going to bed now. Bye-bye." Holyfield then rubbed the top of his right ear and asked reporters, "What the hell happened here?"

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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