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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Even British Able To See Holes In Buccaneers' Defense

LONDON—Despite their lack of experience watching American football and their unfamiliarity with all but the most basic principles of the sport, the local crowd attending the NFL game at London's Wembley Stadium Sunday had little trouble identifying key weaknesses in the Buccaneer defense as the Patriots cruised to a 35-7 victory. "My word, that safety-man has lost contain yet again, and the Bucs are just getting—what's the word?—blocked right off their feet on nearly every play," attendee Martin Hollings said as Patriots running back Laurence Maroney broke free for a 14-yard run. "Oh, I say, poor show…. These chaps are in fact allowed to use their hands, are they not? Because you certainly could not tell by watching them." In a related incident, BBC commentators claimed they meant no offense and were attempting to compliment wide receiver Wes Welker by saying the Tampa Bay secondary "made [Welker] look like Pelé out there."

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