Even British Able To See Holes In Buccaneers' Defense

In This Section

Vol 45 Issue 44

House Haunted By Tortured Souls Of Current Residents

HARTFORD, MI—On the outside it may look like any other home, but within the walls of 6535 Maple Ave. lies a terrifying secret: Every night, when the sun goes down and the moon comes out, this suburban bungalow is haunted by the restless, tormented souls of its residents, the Davidson family.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Even British Able To See Holes In Buccaneers' Defense

LONDON—Despite their lack of experience watching American football and their unfamiliarity with all but the most basic principles of the sport, the local crowd attending the NFL game at London's Wembley Stadium Sunday had little trouble identifying key weaknesses in the Buccaneer defense as the Patriots cruised to a 35-7 victory. "My word, that safety-man has lost contain yet again, and the Bucs are just getting—what's the word?—blocked right off their feet on nearly every play," attendee Martin Hollings said as Patriots running back Laurence Maroney broke free for a 14-yard run. "Oh, I say, poor show…. These chaps are in fact allowed to use their hands, are they not? Because you certainly could not tell by watching them." In a related incident, BBC commentators claimed they meant no offense and were attempting to compliment wide receiver Wes Welker by saying the Tampa Bay secondary "made [Welker] look like Pelé out there."

Jump to next story

Onion Video

Watch More