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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Even Consumer’s Subconscious Can Tell Banner Ad Campaign Ineffective

NEW YORK—Sources inside local man Eric Chen’s brain confirmed this week that a major corporation’s recent online advertising campaign was so unsuccessful that its ineffectiveness was immediately perceptible to Chen’s subconscious. “Oh man, that had absolutely no impact on me whatsoever. Why are they wasting their money on this garbage?” said Chen’s unconscious mind of the weak, useless banner ad that was judged a waste before the 28-year-old could even consciously produce a negative visceral reaction to it. “They really thought this would work on me? I can’t believe that advertising team wasn’t fired years ago.” At press time, Chen’s subconscious was thinking of a big Reuben sandwich with a pickle and a side of fries.

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