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Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

Guest Searches Hand Towel For Low-Traffic Area

INDIO, CA—Noting several distinct patches of damp, matted fibers, houseguest Tara Muirsky scoured her host’s lone bathroom towel for a low-traffic area with which to dry her hands, sources confirmed Monday.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Every Book On Area Woman's Shelves Somehow Related To Coping

WARNER ROBINS, GA—All 217 books on the shelves of area resident Renee Streed are somehow related to coping, it was reported Tuesday. "I really like the M. Scott Peck books," the 51-year-old Streed said. "And, of course, Susan Jeffers is always terrific, and so is Dr. Laura. I also love the entire Chicken Soup For The Soul series and Richard Carlson's Don't Sweat The Small Stuff." Streed is currently coping with menopause, empty-nest syndrome, workplace communication breakdowns, depression, living on a budget, the loss of a parent, impending retirement, the loss of a pet, long-distance grandparenting, depression, stress and weight gain.

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Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

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