adBlockCheck

Local

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
End Of Section
  • More News

Every Book On Area Woman's Shelves Somehow Related To Coping

WARNER ROBINS, GA—All 217 books on the shelves of area resident Renee Streed are somehow related to coping, it was reported Tuesday. "I really like the M. Scott Peck books," the 51-year-old Streed said. "And, of course, Susan Jeffers is always terrific, and so is Dr. Laura. I also love the entire Chicken Soup For The Soul series and Richard Carlson's Don't Sweat The Small Stuff." Streed is currently coping with menopause, empty-nest syndrome, workplace communication breakdowns, depression, living on a budget, the loss of a parent, impending retirement, the loss of a pet, long-distance grandparenting, depression, stress and weight gain.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close