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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?
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Every Marlins Game Sold Out For Next Season As Fans Become Enamored With Team's New Color Scheme

MIAMI—The Miami Marlins announced Saturday they are completely sold out of tickets for the 2012 season, ending a deluge of requests from area residents completely rabid about the long-ignored team's new cap and uniform colors. "Until three weeks ago, I didn't know anyone around here who gave a crap about the Marlins, but when they changed up their colors, we were all like, 'Oh, man! Wow! Blue, yellow, black, and orange?'" said new season-ticket holder Gord McCullough, adding that like the majority of Miami residents, he once would have preferred sitting in traffic for four hours to attending a Marlins game, but now, because of the revamped logo's stylized fish and the addition of the city's name to the team, can't imagine life without trips to the ballpark. "I don't even really care that it's basically the same lineup as last year. Did you see [Miami mascot] Billy the Marlin's new look?" Club management confirmed that by the All-Star break, when the hype has died down, the team is below .500, and people stop showing up for games, the tarp that typically covers all of the unsold seats in the stadium will also have a new Marlins logo on it.

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