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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Every NBC Program To End With Character Straight Up Asking Viewers What Kind Of New TV Shows They Would Like To See

NEW YORK—The struggling NBC network announced a new programming initiative last week that involves characters in each scripted series ending episodes by breaking the fourth wall and asking viewers point blank what sort of television shows they would most like to see in the future. "Now that we've closed the books on yet another thrilling criminal investigation, it's time to solve the mystery of just what you guys would tune in to if you had your pick," said Law And Order: Special Victims Unit's Mariska Hargitay, flanked by co-star Danny Pino, who stopped arresting the episode's prime suspect, waved to the audience, and said, "Hi there. Did you like this episode of television? Would you like to see something else instead, either in place of us or in place of something else?" Pino was then joined by the rest of the cast as well as NBC Chairman Robert Greenblatt, who shook hands with all the actors before introducing himself and addressing viewers. "Good evening. How about a three-camera family sitcom? A hospital drama? Some kind of musical contest thing, maybe? Really, don't be shy; we just need to know what it is you want so we can make more money and be a better company. Please email your suggestions to viewervoices@nbc.com and try to be as detailed as possible when explaining the type of programming you'd like to see. Have a good night." Following Greenblatt's announcement, the show's closing credits began to roll.

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