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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Every NCAA Basketball Player Declares Eligibility For NBA Draft

NEW YORK—All 30,000 current NCAA men's basketball players, from those who play for Division I powerhouses such as Duke to such lesser-known basketball programs as that of Allegheny County Community College, announced Monday that they were declaring their eligibility for the June 28 NBA Draft. "I figured, well, why not?" said Joshua Ward, a 5'10" sophomore from Eastern Wyoming College. "It can't hurt. Even if I don't get picked, I've never been to New York City, let alone [2007 draft site] Madison Square Garden." NBA Commissioner David Stern remarked Tuesday that he wasn't aware this many kids wanted to become professional basketball players, and as a result was considering creating 3,000 expansion teams for the 2007-08 season.

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