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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Every Team, Fan Base, Front Office Panicking

With the regular season either finally underway or almost over, the playoffs beginning, and preparations for the draft about to wrap up, every individual associated with a professional North American sports team in any way entered a deep state of panic this week. "We really have to shore up our defense and get more physical or we are just going to be meat to every other team in our division," star Chicago Bulls guard Derrick Rose, longtime Green Bay Packers fan Brian Walters, and embattled Toronto Maple Leafs general manager Brian Burke said Friday. "Right now, the [team] [is] just on the brink of disaster." Meanwhile, every head coach in sports was given an unsolicited vote of confidence by team ownership, a declaration traditionally seen by the sports media as a bad sign.

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