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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Everyone At Airport Delighted By Chubby Family Rapidly Waddling Toward Gate

NEWARK, NJ—The stress and tedium of air travel were reportedly relieved Wednesday when passengers in Newark Liberty Airport’s Terminal C were treated to the wheezing, waddling antics of an overweight family hurriedly straining to catch a flight to Orlando. “Well, that was an utter delight,” said witness Monica Adler, adding that it was “wonderfully satisfying” to see a frazzled and obese mother try to hang on to her Auntie Anne’s pretzel while running to her gate. “Watching them huffing and puffing, yelling at the children to speed up but then falling behind themselves, all while weighed down by their carry-on baggage… The only thing that could have made it more enjoyable would have been ‘Baby Elephant Walk’ playing over the loudspeakers.” At press time, onlookers were bursting into delighted cheers as the family had to suddenly turn around and run the other way following a gate change announcement.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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