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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s Party

'What Are The Odds?' Pasty, Flabby Colleagues Say

ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence that they had somehow each forgotten to bring bathing apparel to the festivities. “Huh, that’s funny. Guess we can’t swim,” said Barbara Fortner, 44, one of the many pale, somewhat overweight employees who remembered to bring alcohol and food to the poolside festivities but, curiously, forgot body-baring swimwear of any kind. “It’s a shame we can’t take a dip. Ah, well.” At press time, the employees were reportedly hovering around a table laden with a variety of dips, barbequed pork, and sheet cake.

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