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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s Party

'What Are The Odds?' Pasty, Flabby Colleagues Say

ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence that they had somehow each forgotten to bring bathing apparel to the festivities. “Huh, that’s funny. Guess we can’t swim,” said Barbara Fortner, 44, one of the many pale, somewhat overweight employees who remembered to bring alcohol and food to the poolside festivities but, curiously, forgot body-baring swimwear of any kind. “It’s a shame we can’t take a dip. Ah, well.” At press time, the employees were reportedly hovering around a table laden with a variety of dips, barbequed pork, and sheet cake.

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