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Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

Guest Searches Hand Towel For Low-Traffic Area

INDIO, CA—Noting several distinct patches of damp, matted fibers, houseguest Tara Muirsky scoured her host’s lone bathroom towel for a low-traffic area with which to dry her hands, sources confirmed Monday.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Everyone Glad Someone Else Making Small Talk With Disabled Woman

SAN ANTONIO, TX–A palpable sense of relief came over passengers on the westbound D-line bus Monday when someone else struck up a conversation with 53-year-old cerebral-palsy sufferer Sharon Bellacosa. "Boy, that was a close one," said rider Jon Neidhardt, 28, who was sitting next to Bellacosa. "For a second there, I was terrified she'd ask me if I knew how much farther her stop was in that slow, slurred voice and then try to segue it into a friendly chat with me. Luckily, the guy sitting across from her was willing to sacrifice himself for the good of the rest of us and talk to her." Neidhardt said that, despite not having to talk to the disabled woman, he became tense while listening to her loud conversation and did not relax fully until she got off the bus.

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Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

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