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Everyone Glad Someone Else Making Small Talk With Disabled Woman

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Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Ronald McDonald Statue Bears Full Brunt Of Teenagers’ Mockery

CLEVELAND—Remaining stoically silent throughout the barrage of vicious insults, unsavory accusations, and various other indignities directed at it, a statue of Ronald McDonald seated on a bench outside the fast-food chain’s Clark Avenue location is said to have borne the full force of a group of teenagers’ mockery Thursday.

Woman Leaving Meeting Worried She Came Off As Too Competent

OXNARD, CA—Silently chastising herself for the way she behaved in front of her colleagues and supervisors, Cobalt Property Insurance sales associate Leah Manning, 36, was reportedly deeply worried Tuesday that she came off as too competent during the company’s weekly sales meeting.

Mom Has Stacked Dinner Party Roster

GOLDEN, CO—Their eyes widening in amazement as the 43-year-old rattled off the names of heavy hitter after heavy hitter, impressed members of the Dreeshen household confirmed Friday that the roster for their mom’s upcoming dinner party was absolutely stacked.

Bold Intern Giving Parents Tour Of Office

CHICAGO—Brazenly strolling through the rows of desks while pointing out the firm’s various departments to his two guests, Lodestone Media intern Nate Kapper, 19, made the incredibly bold move of giving his parents a tour of the company’s offices Wednesday, sources reported.

Beautiful Spring Day No Match For Last 35 Years Of Man’s Life

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Nullified almost immediately by the collective force of decades’ worth of resentment and disappointment, a bright and beautiful spring day was said to be no match for the past 35 years of local man Thomas Unger’s life, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Everyone Glad Someone Else Making Small Talk With Disabled Woman

SAN ANTONIO, TX–A palpable sense of relief came over passengers on the westbound D-line bus Monday when someone else struck up a conversation with 53-year-old cerebral-palsy sufferer Sharon Bellacosa. "Boy, that was a close one," said rider Jon Neidhardt, 28, who was sitting next to Bellacosa. "For a second there, I was terrified she'd ask me if I knew how much farther her stop was in that slow, slurred voice and then try to segue it into a friendly chat with me. Luckily, the guy sitting across from her was willing to sacrifice himself for the good of the rest of us and talk to her." Neidhardt said that, despite not having to talk to the disabled woman, he became tense while listening to her loud conversation and did not relax fully until she got off the bus.

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