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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Everyone In Huddle Afraid To Tell Aaron Rodgers About Turf Stuck In Teeth

GREEN BAY, WI—Members of the Packers offense opted not to tell quarterback Aaron Rodgers about the large clump of turf wedged between his front teeth during the second quarter Sunday, saying they were fearful of the embarrassment it might cause him. "It was awkward because when he called us into the huddle, there was all this grass and dirt still hanging out of his mouth from when he was sacked on the last play," said left tackle Chad Clifton, adding that he couldn't concentrate with the huge chunk of sod hanging from Rodgers' face. "I brushed at my mouth a few times, but he didn't get the hint. He just kept on talking about my blocking assignment or something." Clifton said that he felt terrible about the situation and that it came as a relief when Rodgers was sacked on the next three plays, knocking the turf loose.

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