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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Everyone In Huddle Afraid To Tell Aaron Rodgers About Turf Stuck In Teeth

GREEN BAY, WI—Members of the Packers offense opted not to tell quarterback Aaron Rodgers about the large clump of turf wedged between his front teeth during the second quarter Sunday, saying they were fearful of the embarrassment it might cause him. "It was awkward because when he called us into the huddle, there was all this grass and dirt still hanging out of his mouth from when he was sacked on the last play," said left tackle Chad Clifton, adding that he couldn't concentrate with the huge chunk of sod hanging from Rodgers' face. "I brushed at my mouth a few times, but he didn't get the hint. He just kept on talking about my blocking assignment or something." Clifton said that he felt terrible about the situation and that it came as a relief when Rodgers was sacked on the next three plays, knocking the turf loose.

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