DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
INDIANAPOLIS—Staff members of the National Collegiate Athletic Association's main office engaged in reserved celebration Monday night, as Florida's victory resulted in each employee correctly and exactly predicting the winner of all 64 games in the tournament. "We've all clearly worked here together for too long, because we all turned in identical brackets, and we all did so within 15 minutes of the tournament schedule being announced," said a source close to the NCAA office who wished to remain anonymous and repeatedly insisted that he did not take part in the pool. "And we need a better system for tie-breakers than guessing the score of the final. Everyone got that one, too." Asked to comment about the situation, NCAA president Myles Brand said that he does not condone betting on college basketball, especially in an office where the payout for all the winners "was so low this year that I probably won't even participate anymore."