Everyone On Seahawks A Bad Secret Weapon

In This Section

Vol 47 Issue 38

Doc Martin

PBS 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC You cannot make fun of your parents for watching this inoffensive, PBS-friendly British import and start to get sucked into it at the same time. You must choose.

Satellite To Hit Earth This Week

A defunct 6-and-a-half-ton climate satellite is scheduled to crash into Earth on Friday, though scientists can't tell exactly when or where just yet.

Obama Stumping Jobs Bill

Since announcing his American Jobs Act in a speech before Congress this month, President Obama has been traveling the country to promote the plan.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Personal Finance

Healthy Eating

Everyone On Seahawks A Bad Secret Weapon

SEATTLE—Seahawks coach Pete Carroll said in a press conference Friday that the Seahawks would be one of the biggest surprises of the 2011 season, as the team is entirely made up of bad secret weapons. “Tarvaris Jackson is going to surprise everyone with his play in our losses this season, tight end Jamison Konz is a threat to make crucial mistakes from anywhere on the field, and no one’s even going to see Charlie Whitehurst coming—he’s that bad,” said Carroll, adding that the team may soon unleash fullback Eddie Williams, a little-known third year player with no actual playing experience who will undoubtedly perform terribly in key short-yardage situations. “Defenses will just have too much to account for—they won’t know where their next easy sack, high wobbling interception, or unforced fumble is coming from.” Carroll said he was excited to see all the terrible players get their chances to screw up, but revealed his idiotic, poorly-thought-out game plan is the team’s best-kept bad secret weapon.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More