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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Everyone On Wedding Dance Floor Simultaneously Wondering If They’re Truly Happy

RICHMOND, VA—With the marriage ceremony and the words of advice from several speeches about love still fresh in their minds as they move and bounce to the live five-piece band, everyone on the dance floor at the Elliott–Begneaud wedding reception is simultaneously wondering if they are truly happy, sources are confirming. According to reports, every wedding attendee regardless of age or relationship status—from the bridesmaids, to family members, to those who do not know either the bride or the groom and were invited as dates of friends and relatives—is at this moment ruminating over whether their current circumstances in life have left them contented and whether the person dancing across from them is the singular person in the world with whom they are meant to spend their lives. After the music shifted from an up-tempo pop song to a slow-dance standard, accounts confirmed that even the bride and groom are feeling a momentary pang of sadness at the sight of their unmarried friends dancing around them, with both newlyweds privately doubting whether they would ever feel the exuberant, untroubled excitement of their single days again. At press time, everyone on the dance floor had concluded that the only wedding guest who was truly happy was the suit-clad 8-year-old currently busting a series of moves by himself at the center of a cleared-out dance circle.

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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

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