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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Evil Hong Kong Kung-Fu Legions Petition For Right To Attack Two At A Time

VICTORIA, HONG KONG–The Red Dragon Legion, a union representing Hong Kong's 22 largest evil kung-fu goon squads, formally petitioned the Hong Kong action-film industry Monday to lift its long-term ban on dual-attacking in fights against the forces of good. "We feel it is both reasonable and fair to permit evil henchmen to pair up, attacking the hero two at a time," the petition read. The union cited a study which found that from 1989 to 1997, 100 percent of diabolical armies who took on lone heroes in a single-file fashion were defeated.

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