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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Ex-Girlfriend Making Huge Mistake

CLEVELAND—Tracy Anderton is making a tremendous mistake by thinking she can find happiness with a successful trial lawyer, ex-boyfriend Jack Colgrave reported Tuesday. "Since we broke up, Tracy has exhibited some really self-destructive behavior, from losing a dramatic amount of weight, to discarding several old photo albums, to now becoming involved with people who are clearly wrong for her," Colgrave said. "If this doesn't stop soon, I worry she'll end up doing something really drastic—like moving in with this new guy, or worse, not answering any more of my telephone calls." As of press time, Anderton has continued to ignore pleas to stop and think for a second, look at what she's doing for Christ's sake, and not throw everything away because of some stupid other woman.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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