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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Ex-Girlfriend's Last Electric-Bill Check Remains Uncashed In Area Man's Wallet

BALTIMORE–Ten weeks after girlfriend Jessica Schroeder broke up with him and moved out, Richard Bluff, 24, continues to carry the check for her half of their final Baltimore Gas & Electric bill in his wallet. "Jess gave it to me the day she left, and I just couldn't bear to part with it," Bluff said Monday of the check for $75.92. "I know it shouldn't have any sentimental meaning, but, well..." Bluff has also not been able to bring himself to remove Schroeder's Lady Bic disposable razor from his shower.

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