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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.
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Ex-Girlfriend's Last Electric-Bill Check Remains Uncashed In Area Man's Wallet

BALTIMORE–Ten weeks after girlfriend Jessica Schroeder broke up with him and moved out, Richard Bluff, 24, continues to carry the check for her half of their final Baltimore Gas & Electric bill in his wallet. "Jess gave it to me the day she left, and I just couldn't bear to part with it," Bluff said Monday of the check for $75.92. "I know it shouldn't have any sentimental meaning, but, well..." Bluff has also not been able to bring himself to remove Schroeder's Lady Bic disposable razor from his shower.

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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

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