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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Ex-Sniper Shot Dead After Surviving Years In Harrowing United States

GLEN ROSE, TX—Tragedy struck on Saturday as famed former sniper Chris Kyle reportedly was shot and killed at a local gun range, marking a bitter end to the life of a renowned Navy SEAL who had survived long, brutal years in the hellish landscape of the United States. “This man endured countless risks and witnessed indescribable horrors during his extended time in America, but in the end, his luck just ran out,” Glen Rose Police Department spokesman James Alvarez said of Kyle, whose shooting death was just one of hundreds of senseless acts of violence recorded in the United States so far this year. “Unfortunately, life here is cruel and unpredictable. Chris’ death is a reminder of that.” Alvarez added that though Kyle’s death is tragic, he hoped it would serve to convince people that it is “high time” all Americans were pulled out of the United States of America entirely.

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