adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

Excited Dallas Stars Hear Dallas Morning News Reporter May Be At Next Game

DALLAS—After eliminating the Anaheim Ducks in the first round of the NHL Playoffs Sunday, Dallas Stars coach Dave Tippett excited his players with the possibility that a Dallas Morning News reporter might attend the first game of the Western Conference Semifinals on May 2. "I've been sending e-mails and making calls all season trying to get someone from the media to cover us," said Tippett, adding that a front-row seat at center ice would be reserved for the reporter. "I don't want to get the players' hopes up, but I think they may even send a sports reporter instead of the human-interest lady this time. This could be the real deal." When asked for comment, Morning News editor Garry Leavell said that he could not guarantee a reporter would be at the game, as sports coverage would be dependent upon the Dallas Mavericks' performance in the NBA playoffs, whether or not the Texas Rangers have a game that night, and if Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens decided to say or do something.

More from this section

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close