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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Excited Dallas Stars Hear Dallas Morning News Reporter May Be At Next Game

DALLAS—After eliminating the Anaheim Ducks in the first round of the NHL Playoffs Sunday, Dallas Stars coach Dave Tippett excited his players with the possibility that a Dallas Morning News reporter might attend the first game of the Western Conference Semifinals on May 2. "I've been sending e-mails and making calls all season trying to get someone from the media to cover us," said Tippett, adding that a front-row seat at center ice would be reserved for the reporter. "I don't want to get the players' hopes up, but I think they may even send a sports reporter instead of the human-interest lady this time. This could be the real deal." When asked for comment, Morning News editor Garry Leavell said that he could not guarantee a reporter would be at the game, as sports coverage would be dependent upon the Dallas Mavericks' performance in the NBA playoffs, whether or not the Texas Rangers have a game that night, and if Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens decided to say or do something.

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