adBlockCheck

Local

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
End Of Section
  • More News

Excited Firefighters Point Out Kid On Tricycle

CHICAGO—Firefighters at the 111th Ladder Company stared in wide-eyed wonder Monday as local 3-year-old Jeffrey Sturges quickly pedaled past their station house on his bright red tricycle. "Tricycle!" shouted Fire Chief Robert Clark, who, along with his crew, pressed his face against the station window and waved excitedly as the three-wheeled vehicle made its way down the street. "Hi! Hello! Hi!" Unable to contain its enthusiasm, the entire first unit then suited up, jumped inside their fire truck, and followed Sturges down the block in hopes of hearing him ring his tricycle's bell.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close