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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Excited Juror Feels Like Murder Trial Being Put On Just For Her

CLEVELAND—Jamie Daniels, juror #7 in The State Of Ohio vs. Greg Mitchell, was "on the edge of the seat" after closing arguments in the double-murder trial Monday, saying she could not wait to see how it turned out, though she also wished the three-week-long "roller-coaster ride" could go on forever. "The prosecutor was just so intense and animated, and when he demanded that the jury show the accused killer no more mercy than he showed those young girls, I swear, he was looking right at me," said Daniels, who added that the defense attorney's disarming cross-examination of an important but unstable witness was just the kind of "riveting performance" she was hoping for. "Every day I know by the way the defendant glances at me that he is wondering if I, specifically, am on his side. And I love that." Heading in to deliberations, Daniels said she was not certain that Mitchell deserved the most severe punishment in the land, but admitted that a capital sentence had the most potential for multiple juicy appeals.

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