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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Excited Juror Feels Like Murder Trial Being Put On Just For Her

CLEVELAND—Jamie Daniels, juror #7 in The State Of Ohio vs. Greg Mitchell, was "on the edge of the seat" after closing arguments in the double-murder trial Monday, saying she could not wait to see how it turned out, though she also wished the three-week-long "roller-coaster ride" could go on forever. "The prosecutor was just so intense and animated, and when he demanded that the jury show the accused killer no more mercy than he showed those young girls, I swear, he was looking right at me," said Daniels, who added that the defense attorney's disarming cross-examination of an important but unstable witness was just the kind of "riveting performance" she was hoping for. "Every day I know by the way the defendant glances at me that he is wondering if I, specifically, am on his side. And I love that." Heading in to deliberations, Daniels said she was not certain that Mitchell deserved the most severe punishment in the land, but admitted that a capital sentence had the most potential for multiple juicy appeals.

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