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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Excited Padres Ask Manager If Cardinals Can Sleep Over

SAN DIEGO—Fired up after a fun night of having the St. Louis Cardinals over to play baseball, the San Diego Padres asked manager Bud Black if the visiting team could stay at their stadium for the night, sources confirmed Monday. "I know you usually don’t let us have friends sleep over on a baseball night, but it doesn't make sense to make them go all the way back to their hotel when they could just stay here with us," Padres pitcher Mat Latos was overheard telling his manager while standing next to St. Louis Cardinals pitcher and "new best friend" Kyle Lohse. "Plus, their manager already said it was okay." Black reportedly allowed the sleepover, but he made his team promise not to stay up too late or get so loud that they wake the umpires.

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