Excited Padres Ask Manager If Cardinals Can Sleep Over

In This Section

Vol 47 Issue 21

Restaurant That Never Has Customers Celebrates Fifth Weird Year

CHICAGO—The Royale restaurant near Rogers Park commemorated its fifth weird year of business Monday the same way it celebrated its opening: with a vague attempt to attract customers by stringing brightly colored plastic flags from the mysterious eatery's storefront to a nearby utility pole.

Al-Qaeda's New Leadership

Following Osama bin Laden's death, the Egyptian-born Saif al-Adel has reportedly been named interim leader of al-Qaeda.

Smallpox Destruction Delayed

The World Health Organization has delayed until 2014 its decision on setting a timetable for the destruction of its storehouse of the smallpox virus.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Healthy Eating

Excited Padres Ask Manager If Cardinals Can Sleep Over

SAN DIEGO—Fired up after a fun night of having the St. Louis Cardinals over to play baseball, the San Diego Padres asked manager Bud Black if the visiting team could stay at their stadium for the night, sources confirmed Monday. "I know you usually don’t let us have friends sleep over on a baseball night, but it doesn't make sense to make them go all the way back to their hotel when they could just stay here with us," Padres pitcher Mat Latos was overheard telling his manager while standing next to St. Louis Cardinals pitcher and "new best friend" Kyle Lohse. "Plus, their manager already said it was okay." Black reportedly allowed the sleepover, but he made his team promise not to stay up too late or get so loud that they wake the umpires.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More