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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Executioner Enters Lethal Injection Room With Bag From Home Depot

MCALESTER, OK—Shortly before administering a lethal injection to a prisoner sentenced to death by the state, Oklahoma Department of Corrections executioner Michael Callahan reportedly entered the death chamber Friday at Oklahoma State Penitentiary carrying a large plastic bag full of purchases from a nearby Home Depot. “I typically run out to the store an hour or so ahead of time and grab some of the stuff we need,” Callahan told reporters, referring to the jugs and canisters of hazardous chemicals acquired from the home improvement retailer, which included antifreeze, rat poison, and the weed killer Roundup. “This’ll be the first time I’m going with drain cleaner instead of bleach, so I’m really curious about how the guy’s going to react. I’ll kind of mix this stuff together and fill up a syringe with it and we’ll be good to go. I think 50 CC’s seems about right.” Callahan added that in the event the toxic concoction failed to kill the prisoner, he could always make a second trip to Home Depot and be back at the execution chamber in half an hour.

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