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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Exhausted Bill Belichick Attempts To Wake Up By Splashing Some Blood On His Face

HINGHAM, MA—After getting out of bed and trudging into his bathroom early Monday morning, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick reportedly attempted to wake himself up by splashing some blood on his face. “I’m usually pretty groggy in the morning, so this is a good way to get energized,” said Belichick as he cupped some cold blood in his hands, tossed it onto his face several times in quick succession, and rubbed some blood in his eyes before drying off with a washcloth. “I always feel so much better afterwards—refreshed and ready to start my day. It wakes me up right away, which is great when I don’t have time for my usual hot blood shower in the morning.” Reports later confirmed that after getting dressed and putting on his shoes, Belichick realized he was late for work and quickly filled a travel mug with some steaming hot blood before rushing out the door.

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