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Exhausted Studio Has Done All It Can In Terms Of Building Excitement For 'The Lincoln Lawyer'

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Exhausted Studio Has Done All It Can In Terms Of Building Excitement For 'The Lincoln Lawyer'

LOS ANGELES—"Profoundly fatigued" executives at Lionsgate Films announced Thursday that they are completely out of ideas in terms of how to promote the Matthew McConaughey legal thriller The Lincoln Lawyer, saying they have been working around the clock for the past two months trying to build enthusiasm for the film. "Between fighting to get William H. Macy on Kimmel, booking a CNN.com live chat with Marisa Tomei, and making sure every highway billboard, bus stop, and building has a poster of Mathew McConaughey sitting on the hood of that goddamn Lincoln, we've simply reached a point where people are either going to see The Lincoln Lawyer or they're not," said Lionsgate executive vice president David Spitz, who hasn't seen his wife in nearly three weeks and "cannot spend one more minute" trying to create buzz on Internet message boards. "We even put the line 'Don't miss Matthew McConaughey's first trip back to the courtroom since A Time To Kill' in the trailer. Maybe that will fill a few seats. Who the hell knows? It's in God's hands now." Summoning one final ounce of strength, Spitz added that The Lincoln Lawyer, starring Matthew McConaughey and Ryan Phillippe, opens in theaters nationwide tomorrow.

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