adBlockCheck

Recent News

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.
End Of Section
  • More News

Exhausted Video Editor Can't Tell If Blooper Reel Is Funny Anymore

LOS ANGELES—Video editor Scott Lessner, after working all weekend to meet a deadline for the upcoming Spike TV special, Wait, Did I Just See That?!? World's Zaniest Bloopers And Other Outrageous $%#!! Caught On Tape, reported Monday that he had all but lost his "usually rock-solid" ability to judge the comic merits of various on-camera glitches, blunders, and practical jokes.

Lessner struggles to cull the best footage from a wealth of "Grade-A" bloopers.

"I'm a pro—I should be able to do this," said a visibly weary Lessner, 46, who in the past has proven his video-blooper editing chops on America's Funniest Home Videos and TV's Bloopers & Practical Jokes.

"Is the KCBS newscaster farting on-air funnier than the Taiwanese interviewer doing the same thing?" said Lessner, jogging back and forth between the footage on his computer. "The KCBS woman's fart has great timbre and texture, so that's a plus. But then the other one's got the funny foreign language and he's obviously deeply embarrassed. They're both money in the bank. I just can't think objectively."

Lessner, who said he started the weekend session laughing at the abundance of "blooper gold," soon lost all perspective when faced with the task of condensing the more than 86 hours of footage—most of which was "almost indistinguishably hilarious"—into a single 26-minute special by his strict Sunday deadline.

"I knew I was starting to lose my edge when that puppy peeing on the talk-show host failed to make me laugh," said the sleep-deprived Lessner. "That's network-caliber funny."

A tape of over 60 weather-segment gaffes caused the veteran editor particular consternation.

"How do you choose?" Lessner said. "You got the guy falling over in a hurricane, sure, but then you got the wacky rapping weatherman, or the reporter getting blasted by a snowblower, then there's the wrong bluescreen coming up behind the Oklahoma meteorologist—plus 50 some-odd others that are equally as good. Or at least seem to be. I can't even fucking see straight."

Lessner's traditionally dead-on sound-effect sensibilities also came into question when he struggled between the tweet-tweet and the classic "ah-ooo-gah" sound effects for a shot of a man hitting himself in the head with his own bowling ball.

One of more than 150 local-news-related blunders, flubs, and gaffes Lessner had to work with.

"I never noticed before, but if you play the 'boing' sound effect over and over, it starts to lose all meaning," Lessner said.

At approximately 3 a.m. Sunday morning, the increasingly stress-addled Lessner combined footage of a 1991 elephant attack on a young girl at a zoo in Tacoma, WA with the novelty hit "Baby Elephant Walk," but quickly discarded it when he realized that the gory footage was inappropriate for comedic purposes.

As the weekend drew to a close, Lessner's impending deadline began to try his usually cool demeanor.

"When somebody screws up on camera this bad, they should be fired," said Lessner, gesturing angrily at a botched local-news cooking segment. "I mean, my God, that entire table fell over. Why would you lean on it? You're supposed to be a professional. And what do they do? They laugh. Disgraceful."

By weekend's end, Lessner said that he had cobbled together a serviceable rough cut, but still had deep reservations about whether he had created the most inspired and well-paced blooper reel possible.

"This is the sort of thing you really need to walk away from for a while and come back to with fresh eyes," Lessner said. "But the blooper business is about getting the laughs out to the public in a hurry."

Lessner stopped suddenly and raised his hand to his head. "The shot of that woman's wedding dress falling down would have been the perfect place to use a slide whistle."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close