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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Exit From Apartment Delayed 20 Seconds To Avoid Pleasantries With Neighbor

SAN FRANCISCO—Having already put on his jacket and slung his messenger bag over his shoulder, 30-year-old Marcus Albright reportedly paused mere moments before opening his apartment door to leave for work Friday morning, delaying his exit some 20 seconds to avoid exchanging pleasantries with his neighbor across the hall. “I was just about to walk out, but then I heard Jeff [Wilhelm]’s door open and I heard him step out, so I just decided to wait inside for a few moments until he locked his door and left,” said Albright, who reportedly stood quietly in his entryway holding his keys in his hand for nearly half a minute to prevent a congenial and passing dialogue with his neighbor. “I figured if I just hung out there until I heard him go down the stairs and then waited for the click of the front door to the building closing behind him then I should be good.” At press time, Albright reportedly made an abrupt detour into a nearby convenience store after noticing Wilhelm waiting at his bus stop.

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