'Expect Delays' Signs Placed Randomly Throughout Nation

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Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.

'Expect Delays' Signs Placed Randomly Throughout Nation

WASHINGTON, DC—Expanding upon the already omnipresent signage at airports and on highways, the government has posted more than 150 million "Expect Delays" signs at random locations across the U.S. "I went to Safeway to buy some groceries, and there's a big sign warning me to expect delays in the pasta aisle," Dori Reilly of Inkster, MI, said Monday. "When I got home, there was a big sign on my fridge. I had to wait almost an hour before I could put away the milk."

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