‘Expendables 3’ Cast Requests To Be Paid In Steroids, Meat

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Vol 49 Issue 33

Government Finally Admits Existence Of Area 51

In declassified CIA documents, the government officially acknowledged for the first time ever the existence of Area 51, saying that the top-secret location in the Nevada desert was created as a testing site for the U-2 spy plane in the 1950s.

Dog Unaware It Isn't Starving

Scientists finally pronounce the human genome, a new report finds that the Washington Redskins’ name is only offensive if you think about what it means, and a bigoted asshole makes the best barbecue.
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‘Expendables 3’ Cast Requests To Be Paid In Steroids, Meat

HOLLYWOOD—As pre-production continues on the third installment of the action franchise, sources confirmed Monday that the cast of Expendables 3 has asked to be paid solely in steroids and slabs of raw meat. “Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and the rest of the actors have all requested a minimum of 120 testosterone injections and eight full racks of bloody bison ribs per day of filming,” said executive producer Robert Earl, adding that, should their demands be met, the cast will make 3,150,000 pounds of anabolic steroids, HGH, and ground chuck for appearing in the movie. “And if the film does well, they could earn a good amount of raw lamb, T-bone steaks, and full, uncooked pigs on the back end.” After an earlier contract dispute, Dolph Lundgren has signed on to reprise his role as Gunnar Jensen, with his representatives saying that the studio has agreed to compensate the actor by giving him 15 living cows that Lundgren plans to eat from the inside out.

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