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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Experts Predict Man Who Plays Once Every Five Days Probably Won't Save Team

NEW YORK—Several leading baseball experts sent shockwaves throughout the sport Monday, making the bold—and some say outlandish—prediction that Roger Clemens, a 44-year-old man who will appear in a maximum of 130 of the 1,100 innings remaining in the Yankees' season, may not in fact be able to single-handedly vault his sub-.500 team into first place. "I am going to go out on a limb and say that this player who will perform in approximately 20 games for the rest of the year will, at the absolute most, have a positive impact on roughly 20 games," said ESPN's Rob Neyer, turning the sports world on its head. "Of course, there is always the possibility that several other Yankee pitchers and position players may begin improving in a manner coinciding with Roger Clemens' return, allowing the team to perform at a higher caliber on a daily basis and give the illusion that a man who plays once a week has saved the team. This would simply be happenstance." Some experts, however, disagree with Neyer's analysis, as New York Post columnist Joel Sherman recently claimed that Clemens will "win 30 games, mold [rookie starter] Tyler Clippard into a young Roger Clemens within a week, bat over .300 with 20-plus home runs, and make everything all better."

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