adBlockCheck

Recent News

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Experts Recommend Breaking Down Crushing Defeats Into Smaller, More Manageable Failures

SANTA BARBARA, CA—Offering advice to those who feel overwhelmed at the thought of becoming massive failures, a group of experts reported this week that the best way to approach a crippling defeat is to break it down into a set of smaller and more manageable setbacks. “The key to failing on a monumental scale is to take life one small misstep at a time,” life coach Jack V. Royce told reporters, emphasizing that people who hit absolute rock bottom seldom get there overnight. “Just start with a couple of minor fuckups and then build off that. It’s all about working through your long, humiliating downward spiral in workable increments: botch this, flub that, make a wreck of something else—and then, before you know it, you’re well on your way to being totally screwed.” Royce added that it’s also helpful every now and then to stop, take stock of your situation, and really beat yourself up about it.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close