adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Experts: 'This Is The Year'

BRISTOL, CT—Sports analysts around the world emphatically predicted Monday that 2006 will be the year. "They've made all the right personnel moves, signed some key role players to give them the depth they've really been missing in the playoffs, and made some smart trades and draft picks both this season and years earlier that should provide them with the perfect combination of speed and power," said SportsCenter's Stuart Scott, echoing the sentiments of over 5,000 sportswriters and experts in every city nationwide. "Their new coach is exactly what this team needs to get them motivated and give their city the championship those fans deserve. And you can quote me on that." Sportswriters are divided, however, on whether this will be the long-awaited first championship in decades, or the continuation of a dynasty.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close