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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Experts Warn: NBA Season May Begin Sometime In Next Three To Six Weeks

BRISTOL, CT—Leading basketball experts predicted yesterday that many, if not all, of the teams in the National Basketball Association are planning to begin regular-season play by the end of the month. "I know nobody wants to hear this with football season beginning to pick up steam and the baseball playoffs going on, but I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't inform all of you that by the beginning of November, every professional basketball team, I repeat, every NBA team, will have played one regular season game," said ESPN's Dr. Jack Ramsay during an NBA season-preview segment on SportsCenter. "And my sources tell me that after that, the teams fully intend to play 81 more." According to Ramsay, even the Portland Trail Blazers, the NBA's worst team last season, are planning on playing a full NBA schedule come November.

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