adBlockCheck

Experts Warn Situation In Gaza Will Get Worse Before It Gets Much Worse

Top Headlines

International

‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Experts Warn Situation In Gaza Will Get Worse Before It Gets Much Worse

GAZA CITY—Following three weeks of escalating bloodshed throughout the Gaza Strip, experts on the conflict warned Thursday that it will only get worse before it gets far worse. “With increasing bombardment and ground fighting, and no sign of a ceasefire in sight, it’s clear that the situation in Gaza will unfortunately continue to deteriorate before it can finally take a turn for the truly horrific,” said Institute for Palestine Studies senior fellow Nadia Hijab, predicting that, with the deaths of more than 1,300 people and the displacement of approximately 500,000 Palestinians, it seemed likely that the violence would only get more severe before the two sides are ultimately able to agree on intensifying it still further. “Neither Hamas nor Israeli forces are showing any sign of letting up, and I fear that only when this crisis reaches a low point will it finally descend to a point even lower than that.” Hijab added that, as the conflict continues to worsen, the United States may have no choice but to ramp up its effectively nonexistent diplomatic efforts and do absolutely nothing.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close