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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Experts Warn Situation In Gaza Will Get Worse Before It Gets Much Worse

GAZA CITY—Following three weeks of escalating bloodshed throughout the Gaza Strip, experts on the conflict warned Thursday that it will only get worse before it gets far worse. “With increasing bombardment and ground fighting, and no sign of a ceasefire in sight, it’s clear that the situation in Gaza will unfortunately continue to deteriorate before it can finally take a turn for the truly horrific,” said Institute for Palestine Studies senior fellow Nadia Hijab, predicting that, with the deaths of more than 1,300 people and the displacement of approximately 500,000 Palestinians, it seemed likely that the violence would only get more severe before the two sides are ultimately able to agree on intensifying it still further. “Neither Hamas nor Israeli forces are showing any sign of letting up, and I fear that only when this crisis reaches a low point will it finally descend to a point even lower than that.” Hijab added that, as the conflict continues to worsen, the United States may have no choice but to ramp up its effectively nonexistent diplomatic efforts and do absolutely nothing.

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