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Politics

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.
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Expressing Deeply Held Political Opinion Referred To As ‘Gaffe’

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to quell the media firestorm surrounding controversial comments made last week by Kentucky Rep. Richard Wescott, aides to the congressman told reporters Monday that the exact expression of one of his deeply felt opinions was a regrettable “gaffe” and nothing more. “The representative misspoke,” a senior staffer said of Wescott’s decision to candidly state a conviction that has guided his entire three-decade career in public service and influenced most, if not all, of his legislation. “Going forward, Representative Wescott will work to [keep this cornerstone political belief silent when in the presence of cameras or microphones, and only allow it to inform the way he votes on bills and measures in Congress, represents the 600,000 individuals in his district, and assesses nearly every policy decision he is faced with]. He is truly sorry.” At press time, most of Westcott’s constituents had accepted his apology after he vowed to “give every ounce of effort” toward achieving several goals neither he nor they actually cared about one way or the other.

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Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

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