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Web Series Reaches 100 Views

A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Extremely Patient Kevin Youkilis Works Count To 6-5

BOSTON—Showing the discerning eye and patient bat that have become his hallmark, the Red Sox' Kevin Youkilis pushed a third-inning at bat to a six-and-five count before finally working a walk on Tuesday. "That 5-4 pitch was tough, but in that spot I'm looking for something to drive," said Youkilis, who was down 0-3 in the count before taking the next five pitches for balls. "My job there is to make the starter work, so I usually just take the first eight pitches or so to give myself an idea of what he's got to offer. Then I try to foul off another 10 or so to get his pitch count way up. A lot of people say the most important pitch is strike one, but I've always found it to be strike seven. Because at that point you're only three pitches away from strike 10." Despite the walk, Youkilis was cut down on the base paths trying to steal fourth base.

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