NEW YORK—According to sources throughout the commercial aviation sector, the nation’s airlines will begin installing awkwardly placed bumps in every airplane seatback this week because it reportedly brings great pleasure to them.
IRVING, TXHoping to avoid the "scraping and scrambling" it does every year, the ExxoMobil Corporation announced Tuesday that it has made a solemn promise to get moving on taxes early this year. "I swear, this time we are not going to be up all night on April 15," ExxonMobil chairman and CEO Lee R. Raymond said. "We're going to start sorting through those receipts from the Qatar and Malaysia production facilities the first weekend we have time. Wouldn't it be nice to get it done ahead of time for a change?" Raymond said he hasn't forgotten driving around at 10 p.m. looking for a gas station with a copy machine last year.