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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Eyes Removed In Violent Yearbook Attack

EVANSVILLE, IN—An unidentified eraser-wielding vandal rubbed out the eyes of graduating senior Paulette Conreid in Erika Franklin's personal copy of "Transitions," the 1999 Evansville West High School yearbook, EWHS sources reported Monday. "I am so totally bumming," Franklin said. "Who would do something like that to Paulette? She's, like, the biggest sweetie I know." The primary suspect in the attack is Jenny Logan, who, as everyone in school knows, has a huge crush on Jeff Lowe, Conreid's boyfriend.

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