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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Fabled Burger King Employee Places Single Onion Ring In Everyone's Fries

MUNDELEIN, IL—A legendary Burger King employee, known across the land for the heroic and selfless deed of randomly inserting a single onion ring among the french fries of unsuspecting customers, is believed to have recently resurfaced in this sleepy Illinois town, sources reported Monday. "That onion ring was such a pleasant surprise," said Burger King patron Richard Jameson, 37, who claimed that he caught a blue-and-yellow blur out of the corner of his eye, but before he could personally thank the mysterious figure, the "Employees Only" door was already closed. "If you're reading this, good sir, thank you." While none can predict when or at which Burger King franchise the beloved fry cook will strike next, he will not rest as long as his evil nemesis continues placing shriveled-up, nasty brown fries in people's orders.

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