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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Facebook: ‘We Will Make Our Product Worse, You Will Be Upset, And Then You Will Live With It’

MENLO PARK, CA—In a statement released to its 1.1 billion users, social media site Facebook announced Wednesday that the company will continue to make bad changes to its product, that members will be very upset with these changes, and that said members will then just have to learn to live with these changes. “Here’s what’s going to happen: Facebook will introduce a bunch of new features to the site that everyone will hate and that will make your experience worse, you will complain about it, and then you will realize you are utterly powerless to do anything about these new features, at which point you will move on and continue to use our product every single day,” Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg told reporters, adding that users will voice their dissatisfaction via a post or two on their timelines and then gradually let it go and return to using the site as usual, because “that’s the way this is gonna go.” “This exact same scenario will repeat itself six months from now, and then a year from now, and then a year and a half from now, and so on and so forth, that’s the deal, get used to it, talk to you later.” Facebook officials added that any users who strongly disagree with their policy should feel free to deactivate their accounts and reactivate them two days later.

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