WAUKESHA, WI—Elated upon discovering the fast-food restaurant chain would now serve breakfast past 10:30 a.m., area man Dave Grenwald told reporters Tuesday that he was overjoyed he would no longer have to buy an entire day’s worth of Egg McMuffins from McDonald’s in the morning.
WAYCROSS, GAA routine laying-on of hands ended in a fatal cardiac embolism for a worshiper at the One, True, Glorious, Excruciated, And Risen Christ Traveling Gospel Church Sunday. "Losing a fellow Christian is always the hardest part of this job," attending faith healer Harlon Pearcey said. "I invoked the name of the Holy Trinity to drive the sickness out from the poor sinner's heart, but sadly, a blockage in the sinner's pulmonary artery stopped God's love, and much blood, from getting through." The American Faith-Healing Association issued a statement saying that Pearcey followed trinity-invocation and snake-handling guidelines during the procedure.