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A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Families Of 9/11 Victims: Heat Losing 3 In A Row Would Be Much Worse Than World Trade Center Attacks

NEW YORK—Following Dwyane Wade's controversial remarks likening the fall of the World Trade Center towers to his team having a losing streak, several families of 9/11 victims announced their support for Wade, saying that three consecutive regular-season losses by the Heat would in fact be at least as tragic as the largest terrorist attack on American soil. "I can say without fear of contradiction that even a single loss by this very talented Miami team would make the Oklahoma City bombing pale in comparison," Staten Island's Kent Norris told reporters Wednesday, noting that he lost his daughter and son-in-law on 9/11. "Three losses in a row from a team that has LeBron, Bosh, and Wade? America would never truly recover from that." Norris also received support from the Jewish Anti-Defamation League after claiming that Miami failing to win at least five titles during LeBron's tenure would be "worse than 10 holocausts."

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