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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Families Of 9/11 Victims: Heat Losing 3 In A Row Would Be Much Worse Than World Trade Center Attacks

NEW YORK—Following Dwyane Wade's controversial remarks likening the fall of the World Trade Center towers to his team having a losing streak, several families of 9/11 victims announced their support for Wade, saying that three consecutive regular-season losses by the Heat would in fact be at least as tragic as the largest terrorist attack on American soil. "I can say without fear of contradiction that even a single loss by this very talented Miami team would make the Oklahoma City bombing pale in comparison," Staten Island's Kent Norris told reporters Wednesday, noting that he lost his daughter and son-in-law on 9/11. "Three losses in a row from a team that has LeBron, Bosh, and Wade? America would never truly recover from that." Norris also received support from the Jewish Anti-Defamation League after claiming that Miami failing to win at least five titles during LeBron's tenure would be "worse than 10 holocausts."

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