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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Family At Beach Apparently Brought, Set Up Own Volleyball Net

EAST ORLEANS, MA—Noting that they evidently found it to be a worthwhile and necessary item to take with them, reports confirmed Wednesday that a family at Nauset Beach brought and set up their own volleyball net. “It looks like these people were willing to pack up this big cardboard box of metal poles, lug it all the way from where they parked, and then walk all the way down the beach to find a spot large enough to fit an entire court,” said local beachgoer Josh Ramsey, adding that the family spent roughly 30 minutes unfurling the tangled net, assembling the poles, and anchoring support ropes into the sand. “There are only five of them, so they probably could have had just as much fun hitting a volleyball around while standing in a circle. Besides, who buys a volleyball net? Do they really play volleyball enough to need their own net?” At press time, the family had played volleyball for roughly 20 minutes before abandoning the game entirely and heading into the water.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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