adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Family At Beach Apparently Brought, Set Up Own Volleyball Net

EAST ORLEANS, MA—Noting that they evidently found it to be a worthwhile and necessary item to take with them, reports confirmed Wednesday that a family at Nauset Beach brought and set up their own volleyball net. “It looks like these people were willing to pack up this big cardboard box of metal poles, lug it all the way from where they parked, and then walk all the way down the beach to find a spot large enough to fit an entire court,” said local beachgoer Josh Ramsey, adding that the family spent roughly 30 minutes unfurling the tangled net, assembling the poles, and anchoring support ropes into the sand. “There are only five of them, so they probably could have had just as much fun hitting a volleyball around while standing in a circle. Besides, who buys a volleyball net? Do they really play volleyball enough to need their own net?” At press time, the family had played volleyball for roughly 20 minutes before abandoning the game entirely and heading into the water.

More from this section

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close