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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Family Dog Ignored For 11th Straight Year

KLAMATH FALLS, OR—Brownie, a 12-year-old mixed-breed dog owned by the Wilcox family of Klamath Falls, reached its 11th year of being ignored Monday. "The first year or so we had Brownie, we paid a lot of attention to him and played with him constantly," father Mitchell Wilcox said. "But after that, the novelty of having a dog wore off, and we all started to ignore him, even the kids. Now, I suppose, we're just waiting for him to die." Experts predict that Brownie will tolerate two to three more years of disregard before attacking a family member, at which time he will be declared senile and euthanized.

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