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After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Family Excited To See Dad Making Friends In New Neighborhood

ARLINGTON, MA—Fondly watching him as he joined a group of other men his age huddled around a classic car, members of the Altman family were reportedly excited Wednesday to see their dad making friends in their new neighborhood. “He was kind of hanging back at first, so he needed a little nudging, but now it seems like Dad’s really hitting it off with the other guys on the block,” said daughter Kelly Altman, 17, adding that while the family had to prod him into introducing himself to the dad across the street, he had returned home with a big smile on his face and plans to watch the Red Sox game later in the week. “He’s just one of those dads that needs a little time to warm up. But ever since he met that nice accountant down the street who likes camping and barbecue as much as he does, it’s like they’re inseparable. In fact, I think they’re out in the backyard assembling a smoker right now.” Altman added that, while she was happy for her father, she hoped he wouldn’t start hanging out with bad influences like that rowdy single dad who’s always blasting rock music out of his garage.

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